


If I Be Married, My Grave is Like to Be My Wedding Bed

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, but it wouldn't happen in any way that was other than conscientious on their part(s), the pairing of Padme and Obi-Wan is something I've thought about for a long time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4308348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Padme Amidala was aware that she had caught a hold of one thread of her fate after meeting 9-year-old Anakin Skywalker on Tatooine. What she wasn't aware of: the importance of Anakin's soon-to-be Jedi master.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting~Episode I

I am Padme Amidala, Queen of Naboo. I am fourteen years old. The Trade Federation has just invaded our peaceful planet, and I must disguise myself in order to fight for my people. I vow not to give in, though I am afraid; but Jedi ambassadors have been sent by the Senate to give us aid, so I have hope.

My first meeting with the Jedi was a shock, as they literally dropped from the sky. Qui-Gon has become almost an irritating uncle to me, but Obi-Wan is more of a mystery. He is so very quiet and efficient…it was he, after all, who freed the pilots and later scoured every planet in the Outer Rim to find a relatively safe landing site. It was he who cautioned Sabe that Sio Bibble’s transmission was a trap, and he who put the hyperdrive back into our ship. 

It was also his kindness that first informed me of Qui-Gon’s death, and the depth of his feelings for his master stirred compassion within me. Yet he was able to smile during the victory parade, and he has consented to train Anakin Skywalker in the ways of the Jedi.

{To understand more of this, I recommend reading my full Episode I journal}

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Episode I journal that Padme (and I through her voice) talks about is by Jude Watson. It is titled: Episode I Journal-Queen Amidala.


	2. Reunion~Episode II

I can hardly hide my smile of relief when I hear that the Jedi assigned as my protector is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I’d expected to be guarded by a stern, stoic Jedi who wouldn’t let me step a meter out of my doorway without his help. But Obi-Wan is an old friend. He was Qui-Gon’s apprentice ten years ago. And though he IS solemn, I think that I can deal with him. 

I waited in my outer rooms for Master Obi-Wan. I couldn’t believe how much time had passed since our last meeting, and how much each of us must have done. It astounded and slightly unnerved me. Little did I know I was in for more of a shock…. Jar Jar had somehow heard about Master Kenobi’s arrival, and he’d begged me to let him say hello too. I couldn’t refuse the lovable Gungan; after all, it was his plan long ago that helped to save my people and my life.

I heard the repulsorlift doors hiss open and Jar Jar’s exclamations of delight made me grin. Hearing the voice of Obi-Wan made me smile too, but then—there was another voice. A stranger. I’d not been told that someone ELSE was guarding me! Then two Jedi entered and my thoughts were interrupted. Obi-Wan had longer hair now; he was not a Padawan anymore. Now his hair reached to his shoulders and he sported a beard! But his eyes still twinkled kindly and I smiled as I greeted him. “Master Kenobi. It’s wonderful to see you.” He bowed.

“Senator Amidala, likewise.” I turned to the second Jedi, who was much younger. He sported a Padawan’s braid, and something in the eyes…no—it couldn’t be… 

“Ani?” I almost squeaked.

“Hello Padme. It’s been awhile.” He smiled at me, and my heart thudded. Anakin Skywalker, the nine-year-old boy who’d called me an angel and saved my life…all grown up.

“How much you’ve grown!” I said, slightly discomfited. He was taller than me, after all.

“You’ve grown too. I mean, grown more beautiful—for a Senator, that is.” I laughed to hide my discomfort. Somehow a compliment like that didn’t seem the same when he was older, taller, and still looking at me like—with that face—snap out of it, Padme! I smiled.

“Anakin, you’ll always be that little boy I met on Tatooine.” His face then, it looked so crushed that I could imagine him as a boy once again, and my confidence came back. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan looked as if he was trying not to laugh. I cleared my throat. “It’s good to see you both, even under these circumstances. I was glad to hear that you would be my protectors.”

“We’ll find out who did this, Padme,” Anakin said fiercely, and Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows.

“Now, Anakin, remember—our job is to PROTECT the senator, not go chasing after shadows. Who or whatever hurt her will present itself.”

“So we just sit here and wait for them to attack her again?” Anakin grit his teeth, and though he was acting a bit too much like an excitable guard dog, I had to agree with his sentiment. How did they expect to flush anyone out? But I trusted Obi-Wan’s judgment.

“I trust you to do your duty,” I said. “I am sincerely grateful for your aid.”

“Don’t worry, Padme—it’s not a duty, but a pleasure.” Anakin was pouring on the charm extra thick, and I swear I saw Obi-Wan roll his eyes. 

~  
In my amusement at Padme’s reaction to Anakin, and his to her, I am able to control my own warm feelings towards this lovely Senator who will do anything for her people. She fights for peace and justice—almost the way a Jedi would do. Perhaps that is why I am drawn to her. How could I not understand her ten years ago? Her youth must have blinded me…or it was my duty to remain impartial and aloof. This time, however, I need not do that. We must be close to Padme in order to protect her. Then she will truly see me as I am, and can help me become a better man…how warmly she smiles at me! It is too much to hope that she shares these joyous feelings. 

…But I must not think such things. Getting her away from Coruscant is a good idea. Yes. She and Anakin are going back to Naboo. Even my impetuous apprentice cannot do much damage there. Though he is arrogant, he has good instincts. I know Anakin has a crush on Padme, but then, so do I; and my feelings are far more dangerous. He is young and impulsive. It makes much less sense for me to feel this uncomfortable around her—how I often smile in silence and do my best to fade into the background. What are you doing, Obi-Wan? Stop. Don’t cross your arms like that, you idiot. Ugh. I must get control of this situation—I shall meditate upon it.

Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him? I must ask myself this question, because I was a fool to follow Jango Fett to this accursed planet, Geonosis—and then twice a fool as I was captured by Count Dooku, who taught my master, Qui-Gon Jinn! I’d like to think I redeemed myself by refusing his offers of power, but no…I HAD to send a transmission to Anakin and Padme, who then decided to come rescue me. Anakin says it was originally Padme’s idea, and that gets me thinking—but no, she is simply on top of things. After all, she and my Padawan shared that little kiss whilst riding on a reek’s back. What do I expect? I send a horny teenager to a remote, beautiful planet with the girl of his dreams. What did I THINK would happen??? It is better this way…perhaps love will benefit them both. Make Anakin happier and more mature…and if Padme is happy with him, then I shan’t complain. Anakin does not realize how obvious his attachment is. Padme is more subtle, but I can sense she has deep feelings for him as well. But I did NOT expect them to get married!!! Such an act is a grave portent—it violates the most sacred laws of the Jedi Order.


	3. Aftermath~Episode III

After Anakin’s and my disastrous fight with Count Dooku when Master Yoda had to save us, I went to the Jedi Archives as soon as I was able; which meant I hobbled in like an arthritic Dug. Master Nu nodded coolly at me. She still has not forgiven or forgotten my search for the Rishi Maze files on Kamino and its surrounding systems. I may need her assistance today, though, so I hope she will take pity on me. This task will no doubt take me many weeks, if I am even permitted to SEE the holocrons that pertain to my search. I am looking for information on the Lost Twenty. Though not a totally reliable source of information, my copy of The Jedi Path contains some interesting annotations about Sith holocrons, made by Dooku when he was still a Padawan. Though it may be rude to question the security of the Archives, I sincerely hope that measures have been taken to guard incendiary holocrons from thieves and over-inquisitive apprentices. 

However, as I gaze intently into the blank eyes of a bronze bust commemorating one of the most revered Jedi in our age, I wonder what life was like for those Lost Ones. Did they have conflicting feelings regarding rules, as my master often did? Or were they so deeply committed to their roles that a single extraordinary thought or action completely threw them? I knit my brow.

Emotions that I feel are so strong and strange…and hypocritical; have I not cautioned my apprentice not to let a miniscule fancy run wild? Have I not warned him to rein in his feelings about Padme? Yet what do I tell myself? Just not to think about her. That’s it. And then I meditate on the merits of emotion. 

Qui-Gon was like a father, an uncle, and an older brother to me. I valued his wisdom as much as I valued his presence in my life. I had feelings for him, affection that still surfaces—oftentimes when I am reprimanding Anakin to keep his mind focused on the present moment. How often I think of and miss my master! Feelings like those strengthened my loyalties and enhanced my trust in my own spirit. Often, though, I wonder if my affection for Anakin tends to be destructive rather than constructive. In my heart I will always cherish him as a brother and a son. How is that so different from what I feel for Padme? Can I not cherish her as well? I only want what is best for her, after all, and her relationship with Anakin is, frankly, a destructive one. Even I, who do not know all of the particulars, can sense it. My Padawan is willful and conflicted, traits that have not subsided as I hoped they would. Even in the heat of our battle with Dooku I sensed he was distracted. At the time, I attributed that to the Count’s trash-talk, but perhaps something else made the boy unsettled…’twas the litheness of Padme Amidala’s form that obstructed his Force sensitivity; her resolute features and delicate curves, those enormous brown eyes that I find myself drowning in…ahem. Anakin finds himself drowning in. Oh confound it, I do too! That is the whole reason I am here staring blankly at this bronze statue, hoping for answers that my own training is unable to give. My hope is that these feelings will not destroy me. 

I said goodbye to Anakin today. How I’ve grown to love that boy like a brother. An annoying little brother who is too impetuous and idiotic yet somehow manages to snag the most wonderful girl…ahem. I shall not judge; he has made me proud. I must concentrate on destroying General Grievous. 

My clone troopers shot at me on Utapau! A transmission was sent from Yoda and Senator Bail Organa, and they pick me up and tell me about Order 66, which the Chancellor, now the Emperor, used to kill every Jedi. They tell me horrible things about what has happened to all of the others—my friends, my comrades…“And Anakin?” I ask finally. “Where is he?” The two exchange looks, and my stomach sinks.

“Searched for him, we did, through his ship,” Yoda says solemnly. “Rushed off of Coruscant to find you, did he. Searching the outer systems, he was, when brought down in a hail of blaster fire in space.” No. It can’t be. It CAN’T be!

“We tracked his ship to Mustafar,” Senator Organa said. “It crash-landed, but took a while to sink, and young Skywalker landed in lava. He was burnt—” His voice trails off, and I bow my head, blinking away tears. My dear friend, my brother, the Chosen One. He died searching for me—and on that blasted fire planet, light years from everyone he loved…oh no. Padme does not yet know of this. I must be the one to tell her of her husband’s death. May the Force guide me.

~  
When I hold Anakin in my arms, everything is all right. But our trysts have been brief and clandestine…I’ve grown accustomed to this, though it unsettles me. Several times I’ve asked my husband to confide in Obi-Wan about our marriage. His master is kind as well as wise; surely he would not condemn us? Anakin has always refused. Why, I don’t know; can he think that it is possible to turn back if we do not tell?

But now, there is no turning back…I am pregnant, and though Anakin was overjoyed when I told him the news, I feel myself teetering on a precipice. What can we do, the two of us, if I must remain in the Senate on Coruscant and Ani is so often on missions? How will we raise a child in such conditions?

I am shaking…there is a rumor going around that the Jedi have betrayed the Republic, and the Chancellor has ordered them to be killed! He has named himself Emperor for life of the first Galactic Empire … So this is how liberty dies—with cheers and thunderous applause. Anakin has gone searching for his former master. When he came to tell me good-bye, I felt my world slipping, as if I’d never see him again. Our child kicked, and that pain mirrored the pain in my heart. 

But wait, C-3PO says someone is coming…could it be—“Master Kenobi!” I rush to the door, and he embraces me, kissing my cheeks. I am surprised, but also thankful for this warm gesture. Obi-Wan’s presence always makes me feel safe. He is so quietly steadfast…but today he seems even graver than usual. Something terrible must have happened. “Is it true?” I whisper, looking up fearfully into his face. “Is it true that the Chancellor ordered all Jedi to be killed?” 

“Yes, Padme.” He nods, and I sink to the couch, clenching my fist into a pillow.

“How awful! But you escaped. I’m so glad. Does Anakin know? He told me that he was going to find you.” I squeeze his hand, and as he sits beside me it trembles in mine. I can hardly draw breath. Something has happened, then. Oh no—

“Padme, I must tell you something.” He draws a shaky breath. “I know of Anakin’s attachment to you, and how dear you are to one another. That will make this very hard to hear.” He swallows hard and takes both of my hands, looking intently into my eyes. “I was on Utapau when my clone troopers mutinied. I barely escaped with my life, and when I returned to my ship, Senator Organa and Master Yoda had sent me a homing beacon.” I am astonished. I had no idea Bail Organa was so close to the Jedi! That man is a mystery to me…but I nod at Obi-Wan to continue. “They told me of the Chancellor’s order, and when I asked about Anakin, they said…” he swallows hard and clears his throat. “Yoda told me that he’d left Coruscant to find me to make sure I was all right. A clone squadron opened fire in the Mustafar system, and Anakin’s ship went down. He did not survive.” I stand up, numb and shaking. Obi-Wan holds out a steadying hand, and something in his face tells me that I have given myself away. “Oh, Padme,” his voice is soft, anguished, “Anakin’s the father, isn’t he?” With tears in my eyes and my throat feeling like it has been glued closed, I can only nod. “I am so, so sorry.” I weep in reply. What can I do? How will I go on? Obi-Wan stands up beside me, and he is comfortingly solid. I turn and cling to him desperately. He is the only true friend I have left.

“What’s going to happen?” I ask him brokenly. “My time will be soon, and I don’t think I can raise a child by myself. Especially here, with the politics and unrest…with the Empire.” I shudder. “I must return to Naboo, as I told Anakin. We have to…” I close my eyes. We don’t. WE can’t, because he is gone. “I have to arrange a secret transport. C-3PO and R2-D2 can accompany me, but I must release my handmaidens from their service.” Obi-Wan nods, watching me carefully, as if I am something precious that he is afraid will break. There is something in his eyes…I cannot look at him directly or I risk going to pieces. Calling to C-3PO, I tell him to summon Motee and Elle quickly and quietly. The Jedi Knight stands silently with his arms crossed as I speak to my friends. “Dear handmaidens, I have not thanked you enough for your services. Now, with all that is going on, I think it is best for us to part ways. Here are your wages for the rest of the year.” I give them as much as I think they will need. “You must arrange transport to somewhere safe and comfortable. Please do this for me. It is all I ask of you.” The two of them are shocked, and Elle begins to weep. I will not take any wealth back. The two of them have earned it. We embrace, and both of them leave, looking back at me anxiously. I understand their fears. Such are mine as well. I must also discreetly book passage off of this accursed hotbed of loss, deceit, and betrayal.

“Senator Amidala, if I may,” Obi-Wan speaks formally, causing me to face him in surprise. “I can take you off of this planet and keep you safe until you reach Naboo, or wherever else you wish to go. Senator Organa’s barge, the Tantive IV, is still in orbit. I can take you up in my ship.” I gaze at him with a face full of gratitude and kiss his cheek. He grips me tightly for a moment, and then I hurry to pack. As I reach for my bags, a pain twinges in my stomach. I ignore it—such pains are becoming more common lately, and the baby may have sensed my grief. Anakin told me that our child is Force-sensitive. I bite my lip and continue packing as much as I can. Obi-Wan comes over as I lift the heavy bag.

“Here, let me,” he says. I half-expect him to pick it up using only the Force, like Anakin would’ve done, but instead he hefts it onto his shoulder and puts his other arm out to me. “Shall we go? I’ve already stowed R2-D2 and C-3PO. They will be safe until we reach our destination.” I nod, and suddenly white-hot pain shoots through my midsection. I double over and gasp. “Padme? Are you all right? What is it?” he sounds so frightened, which astonishes me—how can this calmest of Jedi go to pieces? But I cannot speak. Gripping his arm, I implore him to go with my eyes, and somehow he understands. He offers his shoulder to me, and I lean on him gratefully as we go to the landing dock outside my apartment door. 

“We must hurry,” I gasp out. “I think—the pain is coming again.” Obi-Wan nods and helps me slide into the seat.

“I’ve moved some things around,” he says as he climbs in behind me, “But I’m afraid there still isn’t much room. You may need to put your head in my lap.” I nod and do as he says without comment. “Stay with me, Padme,” he says anxiously while starting up the engine. I must have been dozing. “I don’t know much about your sort of pain.” That makes me smile weakly. Of course…the baby must be coming.

“I hope Bail has a midwife on his ship,” I murmur. 

“If not, we can always radio for one,” Obi-Wan says. “I’m sure there is SOME life-form that can help us. After all, it’s not like we’re trying to remain inconspicuous.” I laugh breathlessly and then grimace in pain. “All right, Padme. Just hold on. The Tantive IV is in the farthest sector so we’ll be going into lightspeed for a moment.” I close my eyes, and when they open once more, our tiny ship has docked and Obi-Wan is gently lifting me into his arms. “We’re here,” he says quietly. “You’re going to be fine.” I believe him.

Apparently, we’ve docked on an asteroid known as Polis Massa. Once we reached Senator Organa’s ship, Obi-Wan and Bail exchanged a few terse words. Now I have been carried to a sterile room and laid on a cold table with my legs apart. My stomach is distended and aching, but a soothing voice tells me to take deep breaths, so I do. Pain shoots through me and I cry out; suddenly, Obi-Wan is there, as if my distress has conjured him. He smiles down at me encouragingly and strokes my hair back from my forehead. Those clear blue eyes of his hold such love. I must be imagining it—Obi-Wan is the epitome of a grounded, emotionless Jedi Knight! Not emotionless in a bad sense, but…oh! My thoughts are interrupted by the midwife announcing that she can see the head of a child. Apparently there are twins! Master Kenobi seems at a loss, which steadies me. I must remain strong for my children. The first child brought to me is a boy that I name Luke, and the second is a girl, Leia. Luke’s eyes are shut tight, but Leia’s are wide open, taking in my face as well as the world around her.

The babies are put in warming beds after I touch their faces and smile at them. I am too weak to hold either one, and Obi-Wan says that I’d better not try to hold them both at once. His teasing makes me smile slightly before I close my eyes. I am so tired… suddenly I am being shaken awake, and Obi-Wan’s voice is urgent.

“Padme, I need you to stay awake. Can you hear me?” I nod. “You did wonderfully. I think the babies are sleeping now.” 

“Thank you for bringing me here,” I say. “…and for everything else you’ve done. Anakin and I could not have survived the war had it not been for you and your guidance.” As I remember that my husband is dead, tears prick my eyes, and Obi-Wan brushes them away with his finger.

“Shhh, dearest Padme,” he says quietly. “Thank you for those kind words, though I’m not sure that I deserve them. If you only knew what I went through during the war—the wish to save a life being overcome by the necessity of slaughter; the constant burden of command; the power of negotiation being up to me and what words I could say, any words (even lies!) to cease fire. What war does is barbaric, and I cannot be sure that I have not been forever marked by it.” His face and voice are etched with and full of pain and sorrow. I raise a shaking hand to his cheek. 

“You did what you had to do,” I say quietly. “And the Republic cannot thank—I cannot thank you enough. The Jedi have given me hope, and kept me going in the toughest times. I knew that, even though the Senate was full of greedy, selfish bureaucrats, you and Anakin were out there, serving justice one battle at a time.” I take an unsteady breath. “Because of that, I know that I shall have the strength to raise my children in peace, far away from the turmoil sure to consume the Inner Belt worlds…” My voice trails off as I realize the true enormity of the Emperor’s sway. So many delegates were influenced by his words—so much greed and corruption has rotted this galaxy from the core… I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I must be positive. 

Focusing on Obi-Wan’s face once more, I can see him drinking in my words. The way he looks at me, it’s as if he sees every part of me, yet also through me and beyond me. With those age-old eyes of his (not quite as ancient as Yoda’s, but almost) he understands my feelings and my pain. He loved Anakin too, as much as I do—as much as he loves the Republic, and justice, and honor. We are alike in that way. But there is something else in his face…an emotion that flickers briefly, like the tiny flames of candles in my childhood home on Naboo. There and gone, wistful, loving, true. I want to say, I see you. But the depth of that phrase frightens me because Anakin never looked into my soul. We connected on a visceral level, with heat and passion and, yes, lust—but what Obi-Wan’s face tells me is quite different. I don’t know what to do or say to that, so I simply continue gazing into his eyes, outlining my plans for raising the twins on the quiet mountains of Naboo.  
~  
I stay with Padme until the Polis Massans signal that she is out of danger. There was rather a lot of bleeding from her after the births, and so she needed to remain awake until it could be staunched. Now, though, I must speak to Yoda once more. He has told me that each of us needs to disappear; no doubt the Emperor will make sure that ALL of the Jedi are dead. For Yoda, that idea is easier than it is for me—I don’t wish to leave Padme—however, there is another problem; the twins. Both are Force-sensitive, and if raised together they could draw unwanted attention. They will need to be separated as soon as possible. My heart lurches. “Surely you don’t mean to separate them and take them away from their mother? After she has already lost so much?” Yoda looks at me in such a way that I feel as if I am still an Initiate.

“Done this needs to be, and soon. For the safety of the children this is, Master Kenobi.” I know that, but still…while I am wrestling with myself, Bail Organa clears his throat.

“If I may,” he says, “My wife and I have always wanted children. We’ve talked of adopting before. We will be glad to raise Leia. She will be loved with us, and it will not seem out-of-place for one senator to visit another, especially since Alderaan and Naboo are so similar in their climates and peoples.” As these words sink in, I can hardly refrain from enthusiastically pumping the man’s hand. Restraining myself, I merely stroke my beard and nod. Inscrutable Jedi to the end. 

“And the boy?” Yoda asks. “Stay with his mother, he should not. Visit him, she may, but search for the wife and offspring of Anakin Skywalker, the Emperor must, if extermination is his goal. Knowledge of young Skywalker’s marriage, he has.” Yoda says in response to my startled look. “Taunted me with it, he did.” 

“He hoped to turn Anakin to the Dark Side,” I realize, “and since that did not happen, he may still have hopes of finding and corrupting his children.” I pause. “But how can this be explained to Padme?” For a moment the three of us are silent.

“Visiting can be arranged,” Bail says. “It must be discreet—”

“Leave that to me,” I interrupt. “I know where we can take Luke, and where I can watch over him.” In a few sentences, I explain the existence of Owen and Beru Lars on Tatooine, and my idea to become a harmless old hermit living near the Jundland Wastes on the edge of the Dune Sea. “No one will suspect Ben Kenobi of any subterfuge even if he travels back and forth a bit, and I can always divert unwanted attention.” Punctuating my remark with a Force suggestion, I grin. Yoda snorts.

“Good to see that a sense of humor you still possess, Obi-Wan. Wait to tell Senator Amidala of this, we must. Rest from the past day’s ordeals, we all need.” Bail Organa nods and leaves, but as I turn to go, Yoda stops me. “On Tatooine, a task for you I have. Know you of Force spirits?” I stare at him in astonishment.

“Of course, Master Yoda, but are those not just legends of the Whills? What more can a Jedi Master learn about them?” Gazing at me with those ageless eyes, Yoda smiles.

“Truth they have, and the teacher you know: Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn.”

After I get over my speechless astonishment and have had the chance to meditate, my old Master speaks to me. He tells me how his passion for the Living Force came in handy when he was killed; the Whills simply tapped into that reservoir to contact him. I can hardly keep from smiling. Of course, even the most annoying and insignificant facts about Qui-Gon are beneficial. Why am I not surprised? Our initial contact is short, but Yoda says it will be easier to speak to my old master in time. It was for him. Yes, Yoda has learned the secret of the Whills from Qui-Gon. And if that wasn’t strange enough…

It is even stranger that Padme seems to feel for me. I cannot be sure, but it is as if she smiles wider whenever I appear. Perhaps it is only my imagination; perhaps I only wish it to be so; but soon she will depart for Naboo, and I must tell her of our plan to rear her children in safety. I sigh. That may dispel any benevolent feeling that she has toward me.

A week or two after the twins’ birth, I visit Padme’s chambers aboard the ship. She has just finished nursing the infants, and is positively glowing with health and happiness. I do not want to blight that glow, and my training rebukes me. A Jedi does not follow his innermost individual desires. A Jedi does what is best for others without thinking of himself. With that in mind, I take a deep breath.

“Good morning, Padme. You’re looking well.” She smiles brightly at me.

“Thank you, Obi-Wan! Why don’t you sit down? Would you like something to drink?” She means to serve me! So much for not following my desires…

“Jamba juice would be fine, please. Thank you.” She hurries to her chilling counter and pours me a glass. Through her colorful silken wrapper I can see her body’s movements, assured and sensual at once. I cross my arms and clear my throat. Padme brings me the juice and then asks me how I am. 

“What does a Jedi general do on a simple consular ship like this?” she teases me, her gorgeous brown eyes alight with laughter. I grin at her.

“Well, I must give orders to all of the controllers in the break room, and... Do you know how much Sabacc Senator Organa and I have been playing? All of my credits would’ve been lost long ago…if I had any of them.” She laughs heartily.

“I didn’t know Jedi gambled!”

“They don’t. That’s why I’m so terrible at it.” We share a few more jokes and then start talking about the babies. Padme is really proud of them; they already have tufts of hair—Luke is blond and blue-eyed, while Leia is dark like her mother. They have very different dispositions: Luke is content to lie quietly in my arms, while Leia pulls on my cloak and beard constantly. Whenever I make a face, Padme laughs at me.

“You’re a natural father figure, Obi-Wan. It’s a pity that the Jedi are so against attachments.” Her face falls, and I get the feeling she’s thinking about Anakin and the fact that his marriage to her was a severe breach of the Jedi Code. I want to reassure her in some way, but do not know how best to proceed. I shift and clear my throat, trying to find the proper words.

“Padme, in my years as a Jedi I have seen a lot. Most things I was prepared for with training. But in some cases, I think even the Council does not have infinite knowledge. This is incorrect of me in the strictest Jedi way, but I did not see an instance where Anakin’s attachment to you did him harm. He was already headstrong and a little unpredictable, but I feel that being with you would have strengthened his overall virtuousity in the long term.” I pause. “The job of a father would have been good for him.” Padme looks at me with her eyes shining in gratitude.

“That’s what I think, too,” she replies in almost a whisper. “His first concern, after the possibility of losing me, was what it would mean for the Republic to fall, and what you would think of his decisions. Always, he was worried about you. If he’d known how much you’d realized, maybe he would have come forward, but…” she trails off for a moment. “All Ani wanted was to make you proud. He didn’t think that you would be able to forgive his marriage to me because of the strictness with which you follow the Jedi Code.” I clear my throat and look away, striving to blink back my tears. How much Anakin must have hidden from me, only to make me proud! He didn’t realize that I would be proud of him regardless… but perhaps neither did I until this very moment. 

“Anakin forgets that Qui-Gon Jinn was my Master,” I say lightly. “I have learned that sometimes divergence from the Code is best when it comes to the well-being of others.” Padme laughs, and though it might disturb this lighthearted vein of conversation I know I must continue. “Speaking of the well-being of others in divergence from the Code, I believe that Yoda and I will have to disappear for a while, until we are sure that the Emperor will not come looking for us. And not only us, but Anakin Skywalker’s offspring. I am not entirely sure how much he knew—” Padme gasps and gives me an anguished look “—besides the fact of Anakin’s marriage to you, but we must be cautious.”

“I’m ready for anything,” Padme says toughly. “How can I protect my children?” she draws Luke to her, and Leia begins to cry; the twins can sense our discomfort. I pat Leia on the back, trying to soothe her into slumber, but it doesn’t work. Padme hands Luke to me, and Leia quiets almost immediately at her mother’s touch. I explain Bail Organa’s offer to raise Leia as his own, and when I get to his comment about visiting, Padme shakes her head in wonder. “So little I really know about Bail Organa, and yet he offers to raise my child! He is a good man; I need not fear for Leia. But what about Luke? Who will be able to raise him?”

“Do you remember Owen and Beru Lars?” Padme’s eyes widen.

“Anakin’s step-brother and his girlfriend, Beru? How did you find out about them?”

“Anakin told me that his mother had married a moisture farmer when he talked about his search for her. I sent them a communication, telling them that C-3PO was still with us and asking how they fared. Beru sent a message back to me, and this went on twice more until Owen discovered my messages and stopped it. Beru had told me of their recent wedding, and that it was a lot quieter without Threepio’s chatter around the place. Cliegg was doing a lot worse now. Anakin had only told me a little bit about the man, but I expressed my sympathy. Beru asked how you were; she’d been under some sort of impression that you and Anakin were newly-married when you visited them.” I smile at this. “She’d’ve made a pretty good Jedi with that perceptiveness…but then I got a terse comm from Owen saying he’d prefer to keep his family out of Jedi business. If I explain the circumstances to him, however, I am sure that he and Beru will take Luke in. Owen seems to be a straightforward, honest man, if a little gruff. Since they know you, I feel that you will be allowed to visit him—Owen just doesn’t seem the type that would take kindly to strangers.” I can feel myself rambling, and attempt to stop. Padme is gazing steadily at me, and I can sense the conflict inside her. She doesn’t want to abandon her children but I can tell that she understands the evil of the Emperor and will do anything to ensure Luke and Leia are safe. I squeeze her hand in acknowledgement of this fact. I don’t want to push her into anything, even though I know this is how things must be if the galaxy’s last hope is to survive. “I plan to stay on Tatooine in order to watch over Luke. If you wish, I can bring you back and forth on visits from Naboo in a discreet fashion.” As if he can sense we are speaking of him, Luke reaches out to touch his mother’s face.

~  
My heart feels as if it is going to split in two. To lose Anakin is one thing, but to know that my children are alive and well but must be raised apart from me as well as from each other—the thought is unbearable. Obi-Wan looks at me sorrowfully, and I can tell this is hard for him. I will always value his kindness in telling me himself the things he, Yoda, and Bail have talked of. But I will be able to visit my children; I have that fact to comfort me. It cannot be often enough to arouse suspicion, and I suspect I shall have to lay low for a long time. Obi-Wan suggests that after I am completely well, I may go to Tatooine with him for a while, just to remain under the Emperor’s radar. He would never expect someone like me, who loves rivers and greenery, to live on a harsh hot planet of rocks and sand. I guess that is the point. I thank Obi-Wan for his continuous kindness, but I do not relish an extended stay on that sand planet. A few days was long enough.


	4. Interlude

Unbeknownst to everyone, Emperor Palpatine had prepared for every eventuality. After Anakin’s ship crashed on Mustafar, Palpatine journeyed to rescue him. After getting him aboard the ship, the Emperor moves him to the half-completed space station that will become known as the Death Star. With a little prodding—Anakin already being in a fragile emotional state—the Sith Lord managed to convince the young man that everyone he cared about was either dead or traitorous. Bestowing the power of the Dark Side on the erstwhile Jedi’s badly burned and weakened form, Darth Sidious created the horrifying Sith Lord known as Darth Vader. To instill a permanent hatred of Jedi in his new apprentice, Palpatine let slip that on the orders of the Jedi Council, Obi-Wan had killed Padme. The being that used to be Anakin Skywalker screamed, objects spinning around the room with the force of his anguish, and the Emperor smiled. Darth Vader was fully and completely his.


	5. Hope~before Episode IV

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…When the Empire turned three years old…

After Padme had been ferried back and forth to visit Luke and Leia several times by Obi-Wan, Owen Lars became sullen and suspicious whenever the two of them arrived. It got so that Padme noticed and asked her Jedi companion if he knew what it meant. Obi-Wan explained that Owen was wary of him.

“He doesn’t trust Jedi Knights. Why, I don’t know.” But he did know. It had been because of Anakin, who had barged into their well-kept lives searching for his mother, bringing sadness, chaos, and death into their house. Owen’s father Cliegg had never been the same since Shmi died and her son had returned with the body. A darkness had come with him, and Owen had no way of knowing that this was not the way of all Jedi. But Obi-Wan just couldn’t bring himself to say that. He simply began to return to his hut at the edge of the Dune Sea whenever Padme visited the Lars homestead. This made Padme sad and quiet—his presence comforted her, she said—but it was best not to set Owen off. Besides, there were other ways the Jedi Master could check on Luke.

After she was done visiting her son, Padme would stay the night with Obi-Wan. They talked. The Jedi spoke of Clone War campaigns that he’d gone on with Anakin, and the senator would regale him with gossip from the Senate—

“You mean people REALLY believed that about Senator so-and-so?” he’d say, incredulous. Jedi Knights weren’t gossipy, so Kenobi was utterly scandalized by every bureaucratic rumor Padme threw at him. “How did you remain so pure?” he asked her. “I mean, you weren’t a part of that gossip…”

“Oh, but I became the subject of some nasty rumors, believe me,” she said bitterly. “Some of my colleagues suspected that I was pregnant, and there was speculation that the father of my child was Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.” The Jedi Master was thunderstruck. “Yes, apparently that was the only way it made sense for him to like me, and for me to remain loyal to all of his more—draconian —policies. Oh, and Bail Organa was another culprit. There were those who said the REAL reason his wife could not conceive a child was because Bail was not trying to do so with her.” She shook her head in disgust. “I just tried my hardest to stay above it. I contented myself with the knowledge that with all of those rumors, the identity of my child’s TRUE father was safe. That and I knew you and Anakin were out there fighting to end the war. Those two things sustained me.” She started smirking. “Along with the fact that other senators had dark, dirty secrets of which I knew.”

“Padme!” He acted shocked, but then the two of them began laughing uproariously. 

Other times, each of them would muse about the state of the universe and what the existence of Palpatine’s Empire would do to this galaxy. Neither knew; Padme had never come across his like before, and even Obi-Wan was at a loss. Nothing made sense. The two of them sat together in order to puzzle things out. At times, Padme nearly loses her composure in a black cloud of despair. The Republic is dead; her husband is gone; her children must remain light-years apart from each other in order to survive.

The only comfort she has is the presence of Obi-Wan, and she will always be grateful for that. He is so good and understanding, so attuned to her pain—for now he is holding her close to him with firm strength. Padme cannot help herself; she takes his face in her hand and kisses him on the cheek. The Jedi’s eyes widen in shock and confusion, but he is neither horrified nor angry. She looks at him, her face a question, and he says softly,

“I told you once that there are times I’ve disagreed with the Council’s teachings. This seems to be one of those times.” The Naboo Senator smiles, and the Jedi Knight kisses her on the mouth, strong and soft and firm and gentle all at once, with such passion that when they break apart he can only stutter: “I—I don’t q-quite know how to say this, but—I’m in love with you, Padme Amidala.” He looks so nervous and bashful that she has to smile.

“Well,” Leaning back with her hands on her hips she says, “I think you said that just fine.”

Obi-Wan rises, trying vainly to hide his smile. Then he takes a breath and turns seriously towards her. 

“Padme, I understand that it is a shock to hear something of this nature from me,” he says finally. “It’s probably overwhelming for you, and I know—I know how much you loved Anakin.” His voice catches a little. “So it is perfectly understandable if you are unable to reciprocate my feelings for whatever reason.” Saying this is hard for him, but he presses on: “But know that I will be whatever you need, a comfort, and a friend; or if you wish, I shall recede from your life forever.”

He really means it, Padme realizes with wonder. Her respect and fondness for this Jedi Master increase a hundredfold as she realizes that he is putting her feelings before his own, a true precept of the Code. Anakin had always kept his feelings first; he WOULD NOT lose her, he loved her SO MUCH, she belonged with HIM. At times she felt as if she were smothering in the sheer WEIGHT of his love. Especially after the capture of the Chancellor…her husband had become possessive and reckless. Padme knows that Obi-Wan is neither of those things, and his sheer goodness threatens to break her heart. She wants him to stay with her and continue to visit her children; she wants to keep him in her life.

“I do,” She says fiercely. He looks a bit confused.

“You do…?” Obi-Wan asks hesitantly, stepping back into a pose of passivity. 

“I do want you to be with me as a part of my life, and my children’s. They will need someone as good and strong as you to guide them.” Her conviction in this sentiment is evident, and for a moment, Kenobi is taken aback. The surety with which she has said these things gives him joy, yet also makes him think rather uneasily of Force premonitions. But when Padme leaps off of the couch and embraces him, he forgets about all else. He will love and watch over her and her children as long as he lives.

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is an ironic twist upon a well-known line from Romeo and Juliet. The ACTUAL line, from Act I, Scene v: "JULIET- ...If he be married, / My grave is like to be my wedding bed." The irony, of course, is present in the fact that Padme truly dies in Revenge of the Sith, while in my story she does not.
> 
> Thanks to George Lucas for creating the Star Wars universe inside his head. Also thanks to Natalie Portman and Ewan McGregor for being terrific actors in a trio of movies that otherwise would have been rather underwhelming.


End file.
